I came downstairs for a lunch break yesterday to discover my housemate bawling on the phone-a life-long family friend had been in a serious accident. As I tried to comfort her, my words and actions felt painfully insincere. Even as I write this I still feel…halted, as if I can't find the words to express what I'm really thinking and feeling.
To continue on, Lindsey's mom called yesterday to tell her that this friend-who is only twenty-three-had been in a car crash and is now paralyzed from the chest down. She has no movement in her four appendages and a ventilator aids her breathing. I had never seen Lindsey cry so violently as she did when she hung up the phone. Lindsey is typically very collected, and I hadn't been able to guess what catastrophe could make her so abnormally emotional.
This is the embarrassing part; my first reaction to Lindsey's breakdown was this thought: "I hope Linds is just overreacting and no one died, because I have way too much homework to deal with this today." This semester has been my hardest; I work around 20 hours a week at Steinkeller's, which means working from 9pm to 3am three times a week (including week nights), and I have the hardest course load I've carried yet at Miami. Not to mention that I've had some emotional and health problems to assist me in my struggles. Very rarely do I put schoolwork before friends, but yesterday I couldn't force scholastic worries from my mind.
One of my closest friends sat weeping next to me, pouring out her heart, and I was thinking about the turkey I had left out on the counter when I came to console her. As she recounted the traumatic tale, I couldn't help but think, "Well, she's not dead, and that's what really counts." However, my words revealed a seemingly sympathetic nature. I stroked her back and told her that her friend may walk again--you never really know with back injuries--and that it's a blessing she's even alive. I hated myself for thinking and saying two contradictory things. I often pride myself on my frank honesty…but how do you tell one of your best friends that you can't muster any sympathy because you're too concerned about upcoming papers? I tried to force myself to feel the things that I was saying, but a little voice in the back of my mind kept whispering that she was over-exaggerating.